June #AskLing: Men Are Trash

DEAR LING,


So I did my girl wrong and she forgave me but I’m still having trouble forgiving myself. I’ve been doing right by her but it feels like I’m giving her a hollow victory. I want her to be happy, she says she’s happy with me but I feel like idk. Like when a woman speaks on her significant other it shouldn’t be tainted and I feel like I tainted her name. I love her and want to be here but I feel wrong for being here lol. What do I do?

Signed,
Trash ass nigga

——-
Guilty Gary,

 
There’s a lot to discuss here, so let’s get busy. First, isn’t it interesting how guilt works? You did what you did because you wanted to (at the time) and now your moral code needs revisions…after the fact though. It’s unclear how long it’s been since this incident occurred, but if she’s forgiven you, you have to work on moving forward. If you feel this guilty now, think about how she felt when she found out! Through behaviors and other interactions, it’ll eventually (if not already) be clear that something is bothering you which places the relationship at stake. Are looking for a reason to terminate the relationship? You weren’t this confused when the incident took place, so what purpose does it fulfill to hold onto these feelings now? What is the guilt doing for you?
 
You want her to be happy, and she says she’s happy with you…so believe her. If you believe that’s false – address it – but punishing yourself for something YOU did on your own accord is a waste of time. Nothing you do will ever “taint” her name, only yours. Changed behavior is a true apology. If you want to put your best foot forward, don’t do it again. Give her reasons to be happy she chose to forgive you. People make mistakes. Everyone needs wiggle room to grow. Consider this an experience to promote growth and shift your concerns to what really matters – you and her right now, what you need, and what your lady needs.
Peace, Love & Lil Wayne,
Killa




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Comment below how you’ve dealt with forgiving your significant other!

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