May #AskLing: I’m Looking for Her…

DEAR LING, 

Me and the dating scene have a love hate relationship. I’m part take whatever comes, part go for what you want, part ion even wanna do this shit. I think I know what I want in a partner (not super sure) but sometimes I objectively reflect on past situations and I find that I either REALLY like women that don’t like me as much/at all or I start off good with someone then fall off for whatever reason. Then on the other hand, there have been times where someone has really been into me and I only like them; but sometimes I think maybe I’m just falling for the wrong people so I try out these situations even tho my first instinct is they’re not what I’m looking for.
Question is do you think I should just wait/keep trying for someone that I’m really into or just take a chance on someone that’s really into me, even tho my feelings may not be anywhere as strong as theirs?
Signed,

O’boye (ol boy; but spelled that way cuz Okoye was my favorite character in Black Panther)

——–

Lonely Boy *in my Gossip Girl voice*,
The dating scene is a dirty game. Before anything else, you have to accept that everything doesn’t always work out – time may feel wasted, money will be spent, and questions are likely to go unanswered. I’ve learned that people communicate poorly, especially when dating “just because.” Part of entering the scene requires knowing 1) what you want, 2) what you don’t want, and 3) who you want those things from. Another part of it is finding out if you’re ready to receive what it is that you’re looking for, which many people don’t consider at all. Do you have time to date? If the perfect woman were to ask for your number are you ready to give what she may need (not necessarily financially)?
The problem I have with taking a chance on a woman who’s more into you than you’re into her is taking advantage of someone’s feelings. When women are interested in someone, like really interested, we tend to pour so much of ourselves into the relationship. Frankly, it’s unfair to both of you. However, it’s impossible to predict what the future may hold. It’s possible you could develop feelings equally intense! The question seems to be, at what expense? About a year ago I told myself I’d only show love where it was shown to me, so I don’t see the harm in giving a young lady a chance if she’s demonstrated she’d like to pursue you. If you have the means and time to date, play the field. If you don’t, maybe it’s best to let love find you.
Everyone’s love story is different. Maybe it was love at first sight. Maybe someone asked their lover out repeatedly before anything romantic took place. Maybe a friendship blossomed into romance. There’s no manual for this shit. Somewhere, someone woke up in a relationship this morning. Don’t spend too much time trying to direct how your story begins.
Peace, Love & Lil Wayne,
Killa
Send submissions to asklingg@gmail.com

 

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