#AskLing: March Sadness

 

March: March Sadness (this month we’re doubling up)
 
DEAR LING,
I’ve had a side nigga for 2 years now (We “talked” for a year and a half before we started f*cking). Been with my dude for 5+ years. 
About my Side Nigga: He’s lowkey a fuck boy lol. Average paying job, waiting for a (highly educated and highly paid) woman to save him, he’s lazy, lacks ambition, has great dick (and unfortunately that’s all that’s great about him), he has decent conversation and knows his way around a car (country boy) and he’s a sweet heart when he wants to be.
Why did I pick up this side nigga? Great Question! He’s everything I don’t want in a guy ironically, which made me curious in the first place because I knew it would be easy to cut him off because he ain’t worth shit. 
I want to cut him off tho, sis. Period. I’m starting to like him and think about him and care about if he’s reading more, and all types of other foolery, which is why he must go. BUT lately, I’ve been tryna save him (please dont ask why), maybe make him a little better for his next girlfriend, help him turn from a hoe to a husband. I SAID IDK WHY!! But I like helping him and pushing him to be better plus I’ve noticed that hes starting to become better and starting to change. He’s not hoeing as much (still a hoe, just not AS much). He got a new job and moved to a new city. He’s investing and getting off that couch more these days. *sigh*
How do I cut him off? Knowing the dick is Tony the Tiger Grrrreat and he’s actually starting to improve his way of life. Help me, sis, please.
BTW he likes me too. obviously bc I’m amazing and helping him be great but we both know we don’t REALLY want to be with each other. We know the end is going to come eventually, we just take it day by day and not worry about the end right now.
Please help Ling,
Sincerely, 
-Captain Save A Hoe 
 
 
——–
 
Captain Save A Hoe,
Ya know, when I decided to do #AskLing I knew there would be some complicated situations. Let’s get it.
You can’t let him go unless you’re ready. I know sis. I know. The good sex makes this very hard, but that brings me to this: your man isn’t satisfying you sexually and if he was you wouldn’t be dealing with Tony (the Tiger). Yamean? If it’s a dub, and your man can’t satisfy you even with instruction, I really hope he’s paying bills and an INCREDIBLE human being. I suggest you prioritize what you need from a partner, ANY partner. Where does sex fall on that list? What can be negotiated? What’s an “absolute no?” Figure this out because you’re on a slippery slope. Would you feel some sort of way if your dude had a side chick?
 
Communication in romantic relationships is so important. From what you’ve described, the side n*gga is a disaster waiting to happen. But like I said, you can’t end that until you’re ready. So how do you get ready? I can’t answer that, but I can offer a suggestion…think about what you’re risking as this situation escalates. Is it worth it? If not, put your big girl panties on sis. Soo you won’t have a side n*gga anymore…oh well. You’re low-key entering real bae territory and that’s not the position you need to be playing. You’re starting to care about this n*gga reading and shit and he’s sleeping around. Girl. Let one of them worry about his ass. Y’all like each other, so whether it’s now or later it will be tough. It’s interesting a side n*gga situation could actually be a communication issue between you and your dude or you being afraid of change. Or something else.
Toss the cape sis.
 
Peace, Love & Lil Wayne,
Killa
DEAR LING,
So me and this girl been dating for 3 years, she broke up with me recently. And I been trying to move on, but she keep hitting me up trying to talk about the relationship with no intentions of working things out. I just seen her post a vid on snap (mind you that’s the only app I got her added on still) with a new nigga already. I miss the legs, but I don’t want/need shorty in my life anymore. How you suggest I tell her to F off in a non-confrontational way? I don’t even want to be cordial with her.
-Dream Seller
 
 
——–
 
 
Dream Seller,
 
Maybe it was unintentional, but I noticed you said you’re trying to move on. Not actually moving on, which is something to think about. She knows you see her Snapchat, so that wasn’t an accident. Since you don’t want to be cordial, but want to remain respectful, I suggest you bring this up next time she hits you up. Real quick though, if she doesn’t hit you up, remove her from Snapchat and keep it pushing.
 
SO, when she hits you up say something like this:
 
I know it’s difficult not to communicate with me since we broke up, but we’re not together anymore and there are no plans for us to work things out. I feel like these conversations about our relationship aren’t helpful. I respect you and what we had, but I think it’s best if we don’t talk. I wish you the best and hope you’ll respect my decision.
 (You can get legs anywhere by the way).
 
Peace, Love & Lil Wayne,
Killa
 
Send questions to AskLingg@gmail.com; new features the 1st of each month.
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